In today's episode of the Dad Tired podcast, host Jerrad Lopes sits down with actor and director Jason Mac to discuss what a father's legacy is, and how you know you're starting to leave one.
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A Father’s Legacy (With Jason Mac)
Jerrad: [2:00] Super excited to jump into this interview Jason Mac before we get to it though I want to read one of the chapters from our DadTired devotional called stop behaving if you were looking for a devotional that you can do by yourself or with a group of friends or some guys from your church I highly recommend that you pick some copies up of this book I think it's going to be really helpful for you guys its a four-week devotional that you go through every day for 4 weeks really helpful to go through as a group but again you can do it by yourself [2:23] this particular chapter comes out of week 3 which is called the gospel and your kids and this title of this chapter is called beautiful feet becoming a father of joy let me read it to you do you have beautiful feet if you're like most men the answer is probably no in the Book of Romans Paul makes an interesting comment about feet to his readers take a look “how beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news” that's Romans 10:15 but what exactly is the good news Paul is referring to the good news of Jesus is that God didn't bail on us we were broken rebellious sinful people and yet instead of running away from us God ran toward us instead of giving us the punishment we deserved God gave us Mercy instead of calling us his forever enemies God called us is forever children [3:11] God doesn't hate us or merely tolerate us he delights in us that's really good news such good news in fact that it changes every aspect of our lives it allows us to find Hope in hopeless situations it allows us to set down or anxiety because we know that there is a God who loves us and who is in control it allows us to set aside our fear of politics and war and even death because we know that our eternity is secure with God because of this good news the writer of Psalm 13:5 can say “I have trusted in your steadfast love my heart shall rejoice in your salvation” [3:46] we have been given the greatest news of all time it is our source of joy would your kids describe you as a giver of good news when they look at your life and trust me they're looking do they see a man who has been affected by this good news do they see a man who has joy from his salvation Psalm 51:12 as dad's we take our roles as protector as provider and enforcer but often we forget that we are the primary person responsible for bringing this good news to our kids when they hear your footsteps approaching may they be footsteps of beautiful feet bringing good news brother don't just be the one who brings rules and discipline to your home laugh with your kids have fun with them enjoy them delight in them let them see that you've been changed by the greatest news of all time live a life that convinces them there is no greater news on Earth [4:39] than knowing that God of all creation delights in both you and them again that's from week three day four titled beautiful feet becoming a father of joy if you want to pick up one of these copies or a few of these copies for you and your friends you can go to Amazon or wherever books are sold again highly recommend that you pick up the DadTired devotional called stop behaving that being said let's dive in to our conversation with Jason Mac, Jason super excited to have you on today with us man for the audience who may not be familiar with you tell us who you are and what you up to these days dude Jason: I’m a storyteller from South Carolina and I’m living in Los Angeles and I mean we’ll probably get into it but now I've got a movie coming out in just a few days A Father's Legacy which is a really personal story for me and it's essentially my love letter to my father and it talks about that father son relationship and really also explores some [5:36] ideas of kind of shame and feeling unworthy and and am I qualified to contribute you know and so I'm pumped I mean this film I was telling you kind of earlier that we filmed it in 2018 and is coming out now in 2021 and it's just been this this grind to get it out but it's also it's just been mine right I wrote it directed acted in it and now in a few days we get to release it into the world [6:08] and I get to see how are people going to respond to it and not so much do they like it or do they not but how do they relate to what does it make them feel that's what art is it's not going to be mine anymore in a few days and I'm really excited and I honestly don't really know how to feel it's very surreal but that's where I'm at literally right now Jerrad: yeah dude oh I can sense the excitement which is just so I can tell you poured your heart and soul into this man I have a three-month-old daughter so this is like the worst analogy any dad knows this is not a good analogy and all of our wives with hit us for this but they say like so I write books they say when you write a book it's like giving birth you know like my wife would be like you're so dumb like it's not at all like giving birth just shut up but [6:54] you know just the process of it like marinating and growing in like the work you put into like toiling to get it all and then you finally put it into the world you know and so I just again all of our wives any mom thats listening is like you're so dumb you know but I imagine putting a movie together it's got to feel that same feeling just like year's 2018 dude thats like that's a long time for like that to be put together Jason: I mean yeah wrote it 2017 its like and whats tough and I think the hardest thing to kind of reconcile is and you probably feel the same way because so you know you do one of your your podcasts [7:31] and people hear it and maybe it's half an hour an hour or whatever and they're like all this is great and they don't see the prep time they don't see the the technical problems that came up that you had to fix they don't see the editing and so there's this big thing behind it is very much you're invested in but the audience has no idea and that's fine that they really shouldn't and that's for me I've got such this so much experience with it and and when they see it they'll know nothing about it but maybe I'll tell them a few stories [8:05] but it's just what's on the screen that's it Jerrad: Well I'll say this dude what's on the screen is really good so I had to chance it comes out this Thursday which is the 17 the 20 for whoever's listening may be years from now June 17th 2021 is when the film's released is that right date did I get that right Jason: Yeah that's right Jerrad: yeah so but I got to watch it a little bit early and so I put the family to bed I very rarely have the time to like sit down and watch a movie these days [8:32] put the family to bed I was upstairs and I watched it and I'm dude I'm just like crying super hard like ridiculous anything that has anything to do with fatherhood stuff dude it just hits a nerve and so I’m crying I just pray my wife doesn't come up here right now and she's like what are you doing you know but was so good man it was so good I'd love to hear like what was your heartbeat behind writing this movie about dads Jason: So what really all the themes everything that you see in there is from my father passed away unexpectedly in 2016 and I was living in Los Angeles at the time [9:08] I've been there for a few years and my family's in South Carolina so I remember I mean I remember getting a phone call from my mom and he had had a heart surgery but everything was cool and then something had popped up and she called she was like Hey something happened last night in the hospital and I was like and she's trying to play cool right and it was around Christmas I was already going to come home a few days later do I need to come home and she didn't say anything and I was like I’m [9:37] coming out so hop on a plane and ultimately like things took a very different turn than what we thought we thought everything was going to ultimately be fine and it didn't work out that way and we were very fortunate as a family to be able to say goodbye as our dad passed on and I'm very grateful for that I got to show him and I had forgotten about this actually until today is I made my first short film and I was going to show them at Christmas and so I pulled it up on my iPad and I was just like I want him to see it you know and his spirit was there and I know he heard it and he was proud but those are very much before and after moment my life when my father was here on Earth and then when he was gone and I remember having a conversation with like an ICU nurse on the day of I was like I feel like I'm going to be different [10:27] and so in that process after losing him I just really explored that father son relationship and father son stories kind of like you were saying they've always hit me when I see them in movies or TV like they always just that they get me and so I explored that more and really asked myself like what what was my dad to me and also conversely trying to flip that perspective like what was I to him and those themes really are the bedrock of the movie and that's why I started writing it [10:58] and I said I was like I've got to tell the story and I'm going to do it in a way that no one can tell me no because my industry is very much a permission based industry you kind of wait for someone else to tell you yes as an actor you wait for your agent or your manager to call and be like hey you got you got an audition and then you hope the casting director is like cool and then you go the next step next step and so you can wait around a lot [11:24] and I was like well I want more control of my story and that's why I've gotten into directing and writing more because I was like he well I’m waiting around for acting I can at least exercise these different muscles also my wife says I love to be like I’d be a really good Consultant because I love to offer my opinion on everything [11:42] so that's also why I think Jerrad: I’m sure all of our wives say that to some extent Jason: but yeah so I just I wrote the script in a way we shot it at my family's property like that farmhouse in the film essentially which is a whole nother character that's ours that was ground that my father loved he lived on he played with his grandkids on and that was really important not only from a logistical here's a location standpoint but just to be authentic and just to have his presence I truly believe by shooting it there that there was going to be something that was going to bleed through into to the camera and I truly think that that something did [12:22] and I just wrote it I was like I don't care if we have $10 10,000 10 million we did not have 10 million not even close but we’re gonna make this movie I’m gonna tell this story because its my love letter to my dad and I got to get it out there whatever was in me I just refused I was going to make it no matter what Jerrad: Well it turned out great man it turned out great it sounds like you were close to your dad then you guys were close Jason: yeah what's funny is I have a degree in finance and he definitely would have preferred that I was a banker 100% and so I grew up in the south so imagine telling your Southern parent that hey I'm going to move to Los Angeles to be an actor [13:03] it's like you might as well be telling her that you're going to let you know like grow horns and wings and flap around on Mars so but at the same time I understand now that we project our idea of success on those around us and so but also I knew that no matter what I could call him and he would love me and he would support me so even though he may be had different ideas for me he was supportive [13:29] in whatever I did and who I was as a human and he definitely I mean he pushed me you know I remember he coached some of our sports teams because he was fiery he was a fiery dude I remember that Jerrad: yeah how old was he when he passed away? Jason: In his 70's so but he's still like he was about to retire had already been working really long time like for all intents and purposes if it wasn't due to literally kind of like something resulting from a surgery he'd still be here like he was you know moving around good active when its time its time and that's we don't know what happens tomorrow Jerrad: yeah dude I mean I [14:07] I beat this drum so many times on this show but I mean for most guys listening you're somewhere around the halfway mark of that age right halfway that's nuts dude like halfway done for most of us when you keep that perspective in front of you it's a lot harder to get caught up in things that don't really matter when you just keep that perspective Jason: Dude I mean it's something that I struggle with and because when I got in this game I mean I got in late theoretically probably in my mid-twenties and it's definitely been over a decade now but I'm supposed to be a very different place than I was now you know I was supposed to get a TV series and then start my directing journey on the second or third season you know I was supposed to be living in a house in the hills and and with like an assistant who was paying my cell phone bill and taking care of all the mundane stuff like the expectations were different and sometimes like even recently it's like am I like super far behind have I missed like my best years [15:13] and then it's like exactly what you just said is perspective and it's like the best Is yet to come maybe it wasn't my timeline you know but I think also as a person I've grown a lot in the past three four five years I’ve learned a lot about myself I don't even know if I was ready for whatever I wanted when I wanted it I don't even know if I’m ready now Jerrad: Yeah yep yep I mean most of us aren't you know but I think that's what the message was so powerful in the movie you know and you essentially I'm trying not to give away all the the great parts of the movie but essentially you had you found yourself accidentally with a mentor [15:49] like an older a sage a wiser guy who's going to come in and pour in some wisdom in a short amount of time into your life your characters life you know there but but I mean and he's really pointing you back to here's what actually matters you mentioned this is beginning but you tackle the subject of shame which I thought was really it was cool how you did that man because I think there are a lot of dudes who are really struggling with shame and you don't really this isn't something that's talked about a lot and so the fact that you interweave that piece of people's pretty regular story into that movie I'd love to hear like what was your thought process behind that why did you put that theme in there? Jason: You know what's interesting [16:29] is when I was writing the film I was like I want to tell a story about someone who just doesn't have the maturity to know that his actions have consequences you know or that his words have consequences that he can hurt people around him by what he does and he's not just in this together he's not just out for himself and and so and then also with the old man you know things that happened in his past some things he controlled some things he couldn't and I put that in there because those were things that were deep within me but if I'm being completely honest with you I understand it more now 3 years 4 years later from writing it then when I wrote it [17:13] and that's why I've been telling people I think this film might be I didn't realize how much of myself I put into it because I've learned how bad shame can be and shame loves to live in the dark if you want to get rid of shame it's very easy you just share it Jerrad: that's right, a 100% agree 100% agree Jason: Just share it and once you do usually what happens is if you share with a true heart of Hey listen I made a mistake or this is the truth you'll you'll probably be more respected you'll probably be more loved you'll probably build a greater relationship however as men and especially myself coming from the south there was emotions we were supposed to feel in public you can't cry in public you'll look weak don't be sensitive you'll look weak people take advantage of you and it's not true [18:02] right and so even looking back on that now it's like that's been a big thing for me and talking about the film is is really that's what it was at the root of these two men was shame now and I wrote it I think it was more from a place of fear but as I've gotten as i've lived some life I realized was like oh that fear that's shame Jerrad: Yep its masking itself as something else yeah what was so beautiful about that the way that you did that was that you had this kind of older sage pouring into this younger guy and yet this guy whose imparting wisdom is imparting it through his own hurt and failures not his own successes which was so beautifully done because I think what paralyzes so many dudes is how am I going to pour into anyone when I got my own crap I'm dealing with either currently or in my past Jason: Yeah I'm not worthy [18:59] Jerrad: Yeah I'm not worthy Jason: Well I'm disqualified Jerrad: And we do that with our kids like what I can't even like I kind of hold back on giving my kids the best that I can give them because I'm I got my own stuff I'm dealing with or I hold off on giving my wife how am I going to lead my wife when I'm like I got my own stuff let alone pour into other people around me and so you just tackled that so beautifully I'm sure you have some thoughts on that man I'd love to hear I think so many dudes are paralyzed by that I'm not qualified I'm not worthy can't be used [19:29] Jason: Yeah we're all busted we’re all busted we’re all busted and I realized that about myself and I'm busted I'm broken I mean if you don't have a therapist I highly recommend everybody talks to them once a week because we all have things that we need to unload and we need to examine and oh like there's this fear it what is it where is it coming from and this idea there's a lot of films especially when you start touching on like faith and religion and they kind of you know there's like a perfect character in there and then they lead the broken person and I was like thats not my experience people that have impacted me the most of the broken I wanted to show that that we're not disqualified because we've made a mistake [20:16] and and I think that even speaks to a bigger volume is I'd love to hear your thoughts on this the movie isn't just about like biological father's were born with for me I had coaches who from their perspective they may have only been investing in me from an athletic perspective but I want to be a professional tennis player until I was like 17 then I realized I just wasn't good enough but I worked really hard but they taught me how to have a work ethic they taught me that if you want something you got to take steps to go get if that means waking up early and getting some reps in before school okay well do it it means learning how to lose and learning from your losses and also how to win maturely and graciously and these are things that have very much carried into my life especially in storytelling [21:04] and and I had a wonderful biological father but there's been many men who I’ve learned along the way and like for you you and you said you didn't have that relationship but I bet you can point to some men who invested in you along the way Jerrad: Yeah so dude such a such a good point man one of the things that I'm learning I still feel young in many ways I’m a young dad I hope in many ways but I'm getting more and more gray my hair and in my beard here and I was saying something the other day to some close friends of mine and like I said it's so confidently like no I feel like I still relate to high schoolers or something and they literally just started laughing like laughing out loud like Jerrad you are so old [21:45] to like a high schooler like high schoolers don't think you're cool and relevant like you know and I’m like oh that's actually probably true when I was in high school and I was looking at somebody in their mid-thirties I was like that's an old dude but as of moving into this stage of life like the halfway point like we were just talking about I'm learning one of the greatest maybe one of the greatest signs of maturity that I'm starting to look less into my own life and I'm starting to look at like what is it look like to take these hurts experiences failures and to start to pour them out into other people's lives like you were just describing the coaches for us it's the neighborhood kids who don't have any dads [22:26] what does it look like to be a father to the fatherless or to join with good Dads and to help raise other kids or impart good wisdom to them and I think that's just a sign of maturity I don't think I'm like there yet I think I'm so early on in that but I think I've like I see that path that's the next path that I'm going to be running on it's really exciting to me and I don't mean to keep rambling here I'm just processing out loud I apologize dude but I would want to say one thing to our dad tired listeners especially DadTired guys who've been faithful to this podcast for a long time I would just challenge you if you're listening like maturity I think is going to be as you start to get to that stage as a listener as a man like one of the legacies we want to leave behind us for kids our own kids but I think think bigger like think bigger than that be on like anybody that shows up in your life that's younger especially young men what does it look like for us as many as we're growing into these years to pour ourselves out for other men and to help shape them but anyway I'm excited about that for the future of DadTired but I appreciate you bringing that point up Jason: And I love it and to add to that there's a line in the film that Tobin Bell who played Billy delivers beautifully and he says sometimes you just have to be there and I think now especially in in our culture [23:41] right now is you're supposed to eat the perfect food take a picture of it and then post on Instagram and then you're supposed to say the perfect thing you're supposed to wear the perfect thing and then bring the perfect gift and it's like you know what especially when we're talking about like young people teenagers and younger and being with them being with them that's it it's not worried about what the best thing to say just be there and be invested in them and that makes all the difference you know Jerrad: and dude a young person wants that like they want real man they just want like just can you know me I think they're tired I think we’re all tired of it you know Jason: and you know what the other thing is like we say young people they want that you know what I've learned everyone does like when someone invests in you and even if it's an older man or the same age doesn't matter like and I do a lot of work at a gym right and so you know I'll train people and they come in and these are adults a lot of them are older than me and they want to get fitter they want to get healthier whatever you show an investment in them you show that you genuinely care it changes the way they walk you know and that's what's our legacy maybe it's not going to your bronze statue because you're a big sports figure or the first astronaut on Mars but what's the legacy that we're going to leave behind for just the people we see every day because we can change the way people walk Jerrad: That's it dude if we just summarize it all down like it's legacy that's the sign of maturity you're thinking about Legacy which is even the title of your movie was like I was drawn to it but that's it man legacy is not going to be my 401k it's not going to be this house or any investment I made its not gonna be how I did in my career it's how did I love the people around me that people got put around me [25:27] really really really well and poured my life out for them and I think man in our twenties it's okay you know we're pretty selfish what's my life going to be like what's my own career how am I going to get myself established what's my but there's got to be a shift and I'm finding for me it's in my thirties when I hit my thirties it's like I'm shifting away from me me me what's my own life and now it's alright man I'm getting close to the back half of the race if God gives me a long life you know we could go at any day but as I get to that back half what is it look like to pour myself out for other people that's legacy stuff [26:01] and as we get older and you can testify to this in our twenties I felt like I lived my twenties on other people's terms yeah I felt like I was like well I gotta be here I got to do that because this may happen and as I’ve gotten older I’ve kind of like you know wat like I can live my life and I can kind of like dictate my own terms a little bit more and trust that it's going to happen because this is a race and you know hopefully it's going to be a long race but there's time Jerrad: The other thing about that is I guess another way of saying that is you start to determine the end goal the finish line and what that looks for you and what it looks like for you if you don't if I don't know where the finish line is of my own life I will be running after other people's finish line that they've determined for me and my boss [26:48] tells me heres what your success looks like and so I just run towards that or the cultural whomever wants to determine what the finish line is I think it becomes a point like you're saying so now I'm going to do things on my own terms heres what success looks like for me in my life and I'm going to just say no to everything that doesn't make sense for that end goal yeah and you know what's funny dude even have a talk about this I'm going to be like in 20 years I’ll listen and I’ll be like I was like I was still so dumb Jason: Right we're gonna man we thought I had wisdom Jerrad: I had wisdom just like not smart at all you know don't know what I’m talking about but like I said I don't think I'm even on that track yet I just see the track and I think that's the next Jason: What's funny is like so I've been doing a lot of press for the film and which is which is blowing my mind as it is and I've been talking to a lot of people and they're asking me about this movie and I'm like I'm not an expert you know I was like I was just you know dealing with my own fears and insecurities in my own relationships and I put them into this movie [27:46] they're just my personal thoughts know I'm just I'm just telling you Jason thing Jerrad: Yeah dude well I relate to that you know every time anyone asked me to speak on anything I’m like ahh I’m just trying to process out loud here well dude I’m just wishing you just some massive success with the movie we’ve promoted it to our dad tired audience I know a lot of guys have already it's on their radar and it comes out this week we gave away three couples some tickets so they can go out have a little date night Jason: Oh sweet! Jerrad: Yeah we did that over on Instagram so 3 couples won those tickets and hopefully those dudes will take their wives out to go watch the movie Jason: Man totally you know what's funny is talk about date night my 3 year wedding anniversary is tomorrow Jerrad: oh nice man for you it's a big week for you Jason: It's a big week for me so 3 years of marriage and then 2 days later a movie I mean arguably I was telling I was like I think the biggest thing that's ever happened it for me on Thursday night Jerrad: Yeah man what are you going to do on Thursday like where will you be? Jason: I'll be if anyone wants to hop in I'll be at Regal LA Live okay and Jerrad: is that like a that's like a place [28:56] Jason: Yeah its a theater its a Real theater at LA Live and I was like I think it's one a Signature Theaters in Los Angeles and I've seen many movies there and I was like I got to go see my movie now they're going to be there and we're going to go celebrate afterwards but I was like I gotta go see it I’m not going to sit at home I mean I’ve already seen the movie but it would be fun to see it with a group of people and to just watch them kind of respond and you know a lot of them will probably learn something about me you know Jerrad: Well dude as a new friend peer to peer I'm proud of you man for stepping into a hard and inspiring and meaningful topic I think these are the kinds of stuff you know we can all be entertained but you took entertainment to another level and I think you're going to inspire a lot of people to look introspectively and as a result of that I think that they're going to be better men for it so [29:51] I'm proud of you man I know your dad would be really proud of you you did a good work man and I'm honored to spread the word about it thanks for hanging out with us today dude Jason: Thank you for having me I really appreciate it |
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