In today's episode, join host Jerrad Lopes and his wife Leila as they discuss 5 practical ways that you can immediately improve your communication in marriage.
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Immediately Improve Communication In Your Marriage (With Leila Lopes)
Jerrad: [1:49] Leila Lopes its good to back here with you Leila: Thank you Jerrad: How are you babe? Leila: pretty good tired Jerrad: we have a three month old who is hanging out with Leila as a we speak Leila: yeah Jerrad: you haven't been on the podcast and almost a year Leila: really? Jerrad: Yeah before you were on like every quarter and now it's been almost a year we are in the thick of it Leila goes back to work after baby number 4 has arrived she just back to work in a couple days Leila: yep Jerrad: some of you might think that you know Jerrad probably records these podcasts months in advance we are recording hours before you hear it just so you know Leila still works at the hospital as a nurse to help support the family we just have so many other things going on I still trying to run a side business a marketing business to help support the family so Lelia: we squeeze these in when we can Jerrad: we squeeze these in when we can but all that to say baby is literally can I just say the word she's nursing I think everyone is were dads their dads [2:48] Leila: yeah babies have to eat and I'm feeding her Jerrad: baby is nursing as we speak so if you hear baby in the background Emelia is her name E4 you number them after 3 today were talking about how to improve marriage communication skills or improve your communication skills in marriage before we jump in though to that we talk about this actually in the family leadership program Leila came on during the marriage section we do 4 different section in the family leadership program Leila hopped in with me on the marriage portion and we talked about this exact topic in the program and then the guys they discuss it they do a little bit of homework around it so I know some of you guys are still considering the family leadership program I even saw somebody in our private community say hey they were asking like is anyone done it is it worth it I just want to play for you a voicemail I got this week we are actually camping over the weekend and a voice message came in while we were camping and I told Leila Im like babe you have to listen to this this is so encouraging and so I played this message for her take a listen to this [3:52] [plays voicemail] There's so many guys who are jumping in the program and it really is for the guys who come in and actually put in the work who come in and they commit to going through the material they do the homework that engage with the community for those guys I believe it is life-changing stuff so I was encouraged by that voice message and we get a lot of those man I think guys are just like they're hungry for resources to lead their family well so I'm always encouraged by that if you want to be part of it we have a few more spots left left open for the June cohort you can go to dadtired.com/lead if you want to get into any cohort maybe or listening to this years from now and you're like I want to jump into a cohort is there still opportunity you can you just need to jump on the waitlist you can go to dadtired.com/lead and do that okay 5 ways to improve your communication skills I also want to say sorry for giving you guys so many plugs here at the beginning I apologize for that we typed all these out and put them in written form and it's really easy to reference or it's a really good conversation starter for you and your wife can you and your spouse and if you want to get that you can go to dadtired.com/communication that's a big word to spell dadtired.com/communication there's a free pdf there that list everything that were talking about in this episode it's a really good conversation piece for you and your spouse all right babe I am [6:00] obviously the gifted one when it comes to communication in our marriage Leila: really? Jerrad: I've always been at the strong suit it's been a strong suit of mine so I'd be happy to recap ways that you have failed in this area Leila: yes please do let's hear it Jerrad: even the fact that we can talk like that I think speaks to ways that we've grown in communication Leila: yeah we've grown a lot Jerrad: yeah all right number one the number one or not the number one way but one of the ways that you can grow and improve in your communication skills is do you want to read it or do you want me to read it? Leila: name your emotion [6:29] Jerrad: What do you mean? Leila: So well we spelled it out here it says are you feeling happy sad mad or afraid use those words when trying to describe what you're feeling Jerrad: yes this comes from the reason we put this down as the number one one is when Leila I first got married I'll just be honest I was not good at this I am definitely the more emotional one Leila: also you were bad at it Jerrad: gosh… we're going to need to do our own homework here after this episode when we first got married actually we were dating and then we early on in our marriage i am definitely the more expressive one when it comes to emotions [7:12] and I feel big whatever the feeling is I feel it big and so when I would get frustrated with Leila as I was trying to learn her early on in our relationship and marriage I would get frustrated with something and I would just kind of say something hurtful or react you're looking at me like I'm not describing my Leila: well there'd be like if you're like stomping at the bedroom or you'd like close a drawer really hard just like this outward physical expressions of frustration which I'm like what up just tell me like what's going on use your words what are you feeling Jerrad: well and I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling you are gifted at the ability to somehow take all of what you're feeling package it up set it to the side and then just talk normally which is just robotic which added to my frustration by the way but you are very very good at that like just take all those Leila: I just don't react to the emotion as much as you do you feel angry you're going to react it but I feel angry I say huh I am actually feeling really mad [8:21] Jerrad: a lot of you guys may relate to this because especially if you are like me and typically when Leila and I have walked couples through marriage counseling I tend to identify more frequently with the women I'm not sure why but and the husbands are always like yeah Leila I'm with Leila on this this one but one thing and I've heard a lot of wives say this it's frustrating when you're showing a lot of emotion or you have lots of emotion and your spouse or the person you're talking to isn't matching those same emotions and sometimes in an unhealthy state we will purposely raise the emotion even higher just to try to get you to react [9:00] because we want your emotion be somewhere near ours and it's frustrating that it's not so there's almost a comfort in a really unhealthy way there's a comfort in I'm slamming the door and now you're slamming a door or I'm yelling and you're yelling for someone like me it's like cool well now we're swimming in the same choppy water Leila: yeah now we are engaged I think it shows somehow in an unhealthy way that I'm caring Jerrad: yes Leila: that I care as much as you do so here I am I'm mad too and so you would take my calmness as not a caring or cold Jerrad: yes Leila: and that's not I still had the emotion I just did not react and express it in the same way that you did [9:43] Jerrad: yeah and again I didn't know how to I didn't have the skills and this is why I think God pairs man and women and creates helpers for us to become more like Christ that you have been that for me and I didn't know how to go about it and so again coming back to number one that the most helpful thing you can do is to name your emotion here is what I'm feeling right now I feel happy in this moment I feel sad in this moment I feel mad in this moment [10:10] I feel frustrated in this moment I feel afraid which by the way often times fear of something is usually the emotion behind the emotion so you show anger but you're actually afraid you feel unsafe in some way and so one of the most helpful things you can do instead of showing your emotion by slamming a door or stomping your feet or giving the silent treatment or however you express emotion one of the most helpful things you can do is to put a word to what you're feeling and if you can remember this happy mad sad and I had a mentor tell me afraid (afrad) just so it rhymed a little bit so happy mad sad afraid if you can name one of those emotions it's going to help you a ton in your communication when you're feeling overwhelmed by them I'm feeling happy mad sad afraid Leila: yeah I think it helps to especially with kids because you know when daddy's mad and he's like kind of stomping around or like you just have that scowl on your face and [11:11] the kids just get really uncomfortable and everybody feels we all walk on eggshells and we hear that a lot when we talk to other married couples but they're having trouble with their communication just feeling like one of the partners has to walk on eggshells and everybody's just kind of afraid you know like oh Mom and Dad is in a mood and nobody really knows what to do about it but if Dad would say or mom would say I am just really grumpy today and maybe you don't even know why and that's okay too but just say it I feel really frustrated today I'm on edge I don't know I'm uncomfortable whatever and then people can just be aware and act accordingly and not everybody is just basically afraid emotions from my view and we can talk about that later but like emotions are scary i think they're unpredictable so if you name it then people can I think better understand Jerrad: it lowers the temperature in the room even if it doesn't dissolve the feelings when you name it lowers the temperature [12:12] Leila: yeah Jerrad: and yeah you're right I've noticed that with the kids if I just tell them I feel really frustrated today at least they know why Leila: yeah they can handle that they can handle this is why dad's got that look on his face he's just had a hard day he's tired Jerrad: you keep using dad Leila: Mom okay Mom Mom's too it's true Jerrad: all right number 2 repeat back what you heard her or him say this feels silly at first when you first do this and youre like what are you talking about I remember the first time somebody told me this I taught me this I just felt like how dumb[12:45] Leila: because you learn it in grade school Jerrad: yeah Leila: it is kind of an elementary communication skill Jerrad: it feels really silly when you're like you say something and then I just try to say it back to you exactly what you just said to me but what it's doing for your partner is letting them know I've listened to what you've said and I can repeat back to you what you said and that is a really really helpful skill because most of the time you hear people will say something like are you even listening to me you're not even hearing me you didn't even hear what I said [13:20] that's a how classic of a statement is that in the middle of an argument you're not even listening you're not even hearing what I'm saying and so are you if you were to come to me with something that's frustrating you start with number one I feel happy mad sad afraid and then you tell me what you're feeling and my response is man okay what I'm hearing you saying is and repeat back to you almost verbatim what I just heard you say at least now you know okay he was listening Leila: he heard me Jerrad: he heard what I said man what a great way to love somebody to listen well yeah so Leila: but your partner can't do that if you don't start with step number one saying how you feel and then your partner can repeat back to you okay I hear you say you are feeling this way today Jerrad: yeah so this is the third one it's not third on the list but we'll skip because it makes sense to talk about it here ask clarifying questions and this can be when you're listening back or repeating back what you just heard one of the things that you can say is am I understanding right that you feel this so you're asking a clarifying question and what that's doing again is I'm trying to stand in your shoes I'm trying to understand what you're feeling right now maybe I don't maybe it doesn't make sense to me in the way that God's wired my brain I don't feel what you're feeling [14:36] but I want to I want to understand what you're feeling I want to sit in your shoes and walk in your shoes and really understand Leila: trying to empathize Jerrad: I'm trying to empathize here and so can you help me understand what you mean when you say this asking clarifying questions here's what most of us are doing in the middle of an argument I'm listening to you talk I've heard you say one sentence and I immediately start my argument back my rebuttal Leila: even in your head you're just thinking about what you are clever Jerrad: yeah that's what I mean Leila: response is going to be Jerrad: yeah I've got okay I already know what she's going to say so let me start formulating my response Leila: argument Jerrad: and so instead what I want to do is really be genuinely curious [15:16] about what she's feeling this just happened to me I will give too many details here I've lost track sometimes people listen to the podcast that I don't know listen to the podcast so I've had to become more and more vague but I had a somewhat of a confrontation yesterday it wasn't major but somebody was frustrated with me about something I'm being so vague I don't know who listens they were frustrated with me for something and they brought this forward and immediately I felt my defenses go up I wanted to like argue or just defend myself and I'm just trying to in the moment say okay what are they actually feeling right now how can I grow in empathy so instead of coming back with a statement which is what I wanted to do my initial reaction is to state something [15:59] here's a fact here's where you're wrong and in fact what they were saying wasn't even all the way true and I could have rebuttaled that with well that's not true but instead what I came back with was a follow-up question help me understand this or what part of that made you feel really frustrated man we just love people really really well when we ask clarifying questions baby girl is a this only works in the dad tired podcast somebody just asked me this weekend how much do you edit well most of the interruptions are from my kids and these are dads I'm going to mute your mic just for the sake of the listener doesn’t have to I was listening to a I had baby girl on my lap the other day well Leila was gone in a doctor appointment and she started screaming just like crying in her newborn cry and my watch my Apple watch went off and said decibel warning if you stay at this volume for too long you'll cause ear damage I thought well welcome to fatherhood here alright so that was number three ask clarifying questions number 4 here is ask for time to get your emotions under control this was a big one for us Leila: yeah Jerrad: I love to talk about things right in the moment and you don't Leila: it's not that I don't Jerrad: that was a joke [17:18] because we are opposite I was being very sarcastic there you like to talk about things in the moment I can't because of my emotions Leila: yeah yes some of the beginning of our marriage if we would get fight there would be 3-4 days go by and we haven't talked to each other and I hated it I just thought this was the most ridiculous like what are we doing just tell me what's going on let's talk about it get it done with I move on it's just so uncomfortable to be in a fight and it's so much energy I just really Jerrad: it's the worst it's the worst Leila and I don't Leila: literally 3 or 4 days we would not say a word to each other and I will just roll my eyes I was so annoyed about it Jerrad: there's a Nate Bargatze joke I think that's how you say his name comedian really funny clean pretty sure he loves Jesus but he's not like a Christian comedian but he has a joke on there where he talks about when you're in a fight with your wife but you live in a really small home and you're not talking to each other but you still have to like pass each other in the hallway you know like not make eye contact don't touch each other and make sure you don't touch on arms you know it's like really funny Leila: its so stupid Jerrad: it is stupid but we revert back to really childish ways oftentimes when we're in an unhealthy spot [18:24] because we don't learn the skills a lot of us didn't learn these skills and we didnt have parents to teach us these skills these are all things that we're trying to teach our kids so that when they get married we did an episode I did an episode recently called how to teach your kids how to fight well and a lot of that is in here because we don't want them to be the way I was really when they get married so usually in a relationship there are two different types of people one person is like we're in the middle of something and I'm ready to duke it out right now and the other person is like I don't feel prepared to duke it out right now oftentimes it's the person who feels like they have like their emotions are really high and so I'll just make it personal when we we're in the middle of an argument you're able to set your emotions aside talk reasonably my emotions are so high I don't feel like I'm operating out of any reason and so Leila: it seems like your intention was just to throw Jabs Jerrad: yeah well it was Leila: I'm mad I'm hurt I'm going to say things that make you feel hurt and mad as well Jerrad: it was fight or flight mode and I was ready to fight [19:27] Leila: yeah I didn't like that Jerrad: yeah and so just like I'm going to say something hurtful there's just no reason it's just straight all the adrenaline is going and so when I have you sitting across from me calm and like let's talk it's hard to pull out of that and I know there's some science behind this just in what's happening in the brain in those moments in fight or flight moments but it feels impossible for me to talk about it so again what happens in an unhealthy environment is one of the people in the marriage can't talk about it they're overwhelmed with emotion and so they flee fight or flight they know if they fight it's going to get ugly so they flight they bail and this is usually when they slam a door Leila: silent treatment stomping around slamming doors Jerrad: get in the car and leave Leila: you did that to Jerrad: okay jeez maybe we are not going to put us this episode nobody's going to listen to the podcast anymore Leila: we've grown a lot since we've been there Jerrad: we have Leila: 11 years Jerrad: you have done so well at growing I'm proud of you for the way the Lord has shaped your heart he's continuing to save you Leila: he's giving me a lot of Grace towards you that's what he's done Jerrad: okay in a flight mode and then what happens now what it's like for you now it's like well can I bring this up again or is this just going to happen again [20:42] Leila: yeah everything then felt unsafe with you it was hard to I didn't know if I could talk to you about things because I wasn't sure how you would respond Jerrad: and that's the biggest part of that fight or flight when you leave whether it's silent treatment or if you physically leaving or you mentally check out or whatever now your spouse feels like Leila: unsafe Jerrad: feels unsafe and can I even bring this up so here when we say and number four it's okay to ask for time to get emotions under control this was actually one that you really did have to grow in because you had to learn that it's okay for me to ask for time to cool off but the contingency is I couldn't make that a long time and by long time I mean that it shouldn't be more then like an hour or two hours if it goes days weeks months you're in a very unhealthy spot [21:30] Leila: that was kind of a compromise when we had a marriage counselor tell us that she would tell me that it's okay for him to have time but she would tell you you don't get to take 3 days giving Leila the silent treatment and so I kind of just had to allow that time knowing that in two hours we could come back and talk about it Jerrad: that's a rule you have to make not in the middle of a fight it's impossible you make it when you're in a healthy spot when you're in a good spot Leila: do it today talk to your wife hey next time we're in a fight let's set a timer for 2 hours talk about it after that Jerrad: and the rule would be it could sound like this hey if we're in the middle of a fight and I feel like I'm in the fight or flight mode and my emotions are really high if I call a timeout whoever calls a time-out gets it the spouse has to immediately agree to that okay we can get a time out and then the agreement is but well come talk about it in an hour and science we've learned about this that in that fight or flight mode help me out here on the science babe but I believe all the blood is being rushed towards the front of the brain the frontal lobe Leila: when you're upset Jerrad: when you're mad Leila: yeah goes to the back to the like rudimentary brain Jerrad: oh back of the brain Leila: yeah where it's literally just fight or flight all of your processing and reasoning and decision-making is that your frontal lobe that's our most recent if you believe in evolution the most recent to develop Jerrad: well jeez now we just lost three thousand listeners Leila: I'm just saying Jerrad: the way that our bodies Leila: that's what science says like you got the rudimentary brain in the back of the head and then the frontal lobe is where you do you're more advanced thinking yeah so you have in that fight or flight mode you're in full back your brain I'm using my medical terminology [23:10] back of the head back of the head is where you're thinking but they say right it takes about 30 minutes for that 2 lines down and for the blood to disperse evenly over the whole head leila: something like that yeah but it does because it's shunting blood towards the back so that you can survive this High emotional thing that you're going through but yes if you take time walk away calm yourself down then the blood stop shunting to the back it turns to the frontal lobe and you can then be in a better place to process it you can communicate make decisions Jerrad: I'll just make this personal again I remember being an early 20 something married to you what were we I was 23 when we got married Leila: I don't know you're pretty young Jerrad: and we would get a big fight and I'm in that fight or flight mode the things I'm thinking in that moment are terrible horrible I'm just like we're getting a divorce why did I marry this woman this is terrible I've made a mistake it's just a huge dramatic big clusion statements in my brain you know just flying through my brain then I would go on a 30 minute drive or walk and it is incredible I mean you feel [24:48] Leila: Ahh she's not that bad Jerrad: this is probably a terrible word to use right now but almost bipolar like how could I have just 30 minutes ago been thinking those things I remember hearing that science and I go I feel that so intensely like I feel what it's like to be in full fight or flight I'm just going to put all my defenses up and then literally 30 minutes later you give me a 30 minute walk a 30 minute drive to just calm down all of a sudden I'm like man what am I doing and I always come back with tail between my legs Leila: and you'd still be mad but you're not going to be throwing daggers hopefully Jerrad: I went from like a 10 to like a 1 though I was pretty even though I was pretty mad I could see my unreasonable behavior okay [25:13] number five here as we wrap up start your sentences with I instead of you and this is a big one imagine that you've started a fight is starting so there's a fire we've been camping a lot as the summer get started here you're starting a fire you've lit it it's just barely burning nothing really caught much that's like kind of a little bit of a offensive statement has been said or a nerve has been pricked and it's like oh okay we've lit the match It's starting and we can either put this out right away or we can throw some logs on here imagine that scenario every time you start a sentence with you you are throwing a log on that fire with a little bit of gasoline on there and it is going to take off pretty quickly Leila: especially when the hyperbole like you always Jerrad: yes Leila: and you dramaticized whatever just happened and you always do this you never do that Jerrad: yep and the person that confronted me yesterday actually said that you know were making some of those big dramatic statements and so there was a hint of truth in there but it wasn't fully true and that just does not help communication at all so say the truth never I'm literally doing what Im just telling you not to do right now never do this but you should never start a sentence with you and it should never be this big grand statements you always do this you never do this every time you do this just not helpful at all instead what you should say start your sentence with I [26:42] and again go back to number one name your emotion I feel hurt when you said this Leila: yeah that was a big one for us especially with the love languages too because it would turn into you know if Jerrad felt like we called it his love tank if his love tank was kind of empty because he's words of affirmation he feels loved in that way and I'm not good at that and so there’d be times that you would say like you never show me love I'm like well that's not true you know or you always you know whatever and then immediately I feel defensive like what the heck of course I do I told you at the altar I love you I'm not that bad Jerrad: I unloaded the dishwasher what are you talking about I don't love you Leila: exactly I folded your socks what's the matter with you Jerrad: that's the love language thing Leila: but you did used to make me feel like wow am I that bad you think I'm that bad that I never show you love really you know I'm defensive and now I'm mad [27:39] Jerrad: even ten years later almost 11 years? Leila: yeah we've been married eleven years 11 and a half for Pete's sake Jerrad: oh my gosh Leila: time flies when you're having fun Jerrad: 11 years into this and being married is hard there's two broken messy people Leila: yeah my love language is still not words of affirmation and his is Jerrad: yeah so when I approached Leila hey babe my tank is feeling empty here's what I'm feeling and it's just so how many times have we had that conversation and it's not a 3-day fight Leila: yeah it used to be days and days I am a bad wife I don't show love we would not talk for days and just horrible these feelings are you know we’re going to get a divorce what's the point of even being married if I don't feel loved we're just very dramatic Jerrad: oh my gosh Leila: but now I'm saying you've grown in a way [28:30] that you do say they like I I'm feeling like my love tank is empty and that is not offensive to me I don't get defensive I'm hearing him and I'll say like oh I'm sorry you're right like I've been preoccupied and then I'll make sure that Im paying more attention to Jerrad: Jeez Leila excuses 4 babies you know one strapped on you 24/7 Leila: my tank is always a little empty Jerrad: all my tanks are empty literally metaphorically spiritually Leila: Im hungry I'm tired I'm over stimulated I'm over touched but yes I will fill your love tank Jerrad you're doing a good job Jerrad: we’ve learned that to in having babies alright hopefully that was helpful let me just recap these really quick name your emotion I'm feeling happy mad sad or afraid number 2 repeat back what you heard them say almost verbatim the more you can get as close to what they said as possible the better number 3 ask clarifying questions help me understand again I'm not saying something like that's a dumb thing to say why did you say that why do you think that those are not clarifying questions I think you know what a clarifying question is but you're actually asking with a heart of genuine curiosity I really do want to understand what you're feeling number 4 ask for time to get your emotions under control totally okay but it cannot be long time shouldn't even end the day with you guys not addressing it so for one spouse you must honor a timeout and for the other spouse you must honor coming back at a reasonable time a reasonable time meeting about an hour or two to come back and have that conversation number 5 start your sentences with i instead of you and don't be overly dramatic you always you never how come you always do this lastly I want you guys just to think about this as we wrap up here most people fall into two categories either one you are too sharp with your words you love to duke it out and you want to be the one that says all the things I'm going to outsmart you I'm going out with you I'm going to out communicate you [30:23] and make you feel small with all the words that I can come up with that is abusive and it's manipulative and don't do that that's a really really unhealthy and it's going to destroy your marriage if you're doing that so some of you may be on the other side of that spectrum where you are being silent and you're actually being abusive in your silence and you're stopping healing and productive healthy relationship happening because you won't talk and that is also wrong and you got to talk and this is why the stuff is so important if you want to have a healthy marriage and family that's going to thrive for generation after generation you've got to be able to step into hard conversations Leila: that silence is a form of rejection and it is manipulative yeah [31:06] Jerrad: yeah so ask yourself honestly as you listen to this where do you fall in that on that spectrum and what it would look like for you to improve which one of these is hard for you if you thought through one of them today which one could you be better which one would it be highly recommend that you go to Dadtired.com/communication and you can download this free pdf talk to your wife about it it's really good man when you're healthy and you guys are in a good spot just put this down like hey I listened to the dadtired podcast today here's five things oh dude I just got a great question ask your wife which one of these do you think I need to grow in the most Leila: oh that's a good one Jerrad: woooo Leila: and then don't get defensive Jerrad: listen Leila: hear her Jerrad: listen Leila: or him vice versa both of you Jerrad: repeat back what you heard ask clarifying questions when do you see me doing that oh man that's going to take some cojones to really have that conversation but Leila: and to not be defensive and get angry because it will help your marriage grow and it is so worth it our marriage sucked in the beginning [31:58] Jerrad: okay! Leila: it was hard because I was always walking on eggshells and you would be angry with me all the time and it was just so hard to know you know what the day was going to bring but man now Jerrad: please you guys don't stop listening to Dad tired podcast and buying my books I'm not that bad Leila: no for real now I don't fear talking to you at all if you've done something that hurt me I'll say like that hurt or that really bothered me and you hear me and you don't get defensive throw daggers back at me or vice versa you come to me when you're feeling a certain way if I've been too cold or not emotional enough or oops I just hit the baby's head on the microphone Jerrad: if you heard that thump that was the top of her baby's head getting smacked with the microphone five tips to improve your baby holding skills Leila: that'll be next week so yeah it's worth it to put that work in went to just like breathe through your big emotions and not be reactive and practice these 5 things print them out I think that's a good idea what Jerrad said like where can I like which one of these can I grow in and then vice versa Jerrad: yeah thank you babe [33:03] this is good this was helpful it's a reminder to me that one you have to view your marriage as the reality that God is using your marriage to make you more like him and we've joked a lot in this episode but it's just testament to God's I always say he saved me but he's saving me and he's going to redeem all of it again he'll save all of it one day fully but right now I'm in the sanctification that's a churchy word for God's just making me more like him and he's using you to make me more like him and the reason we can have these kind of conversations and laugh about it is because God is growing us and me [33:37] Leila: we've come a long way Jerrad: that's his grace Leila: if I could take it one step higher for 30 seconds and you'll have to do another podcast on it but one thing we talked about 2 is when you are so focused on the now and not like kingdom minded somehow you have the energy to fight about all these stupid things but when you are living it in such a way with eternity in mind things like the laundry basket being in in front of the door isnt worth 2 days of Silence anymore Jerrad: is that a thing do I put the laundry basket in front of the door Leila: I was trying to do you say like fold socks or like things that I am like or like if you have a dirty dish you could actually put it in the dishwasher that'd be good Jerrad: it's going to get too personal guys we got to hit the record button or hit turn it off Leila: and yeah but anyway it's your kingdom minded and like eternity minded pretty soon all these trivial things are you see them as trivial Jerrad: let's just say it bluntly we're going to die really really soon we're gonna be gone in a hundred years everyone that's on this Earth will be gone 100 years you and I will be gone really soon even our kids will be gone really soon we're trying to pass on legacies here that's going to last for generations beyond us and this is why Paul says we're sojourners were passerbyers it's that perspective stop acting i mean the modern-day translations would be stop making a big deal out of things that aren't a big deal keep in mind that your eternal like there's eternity at stake here and what you're fighting for so set the little things where they need to be all right babe I love you thanks for sharing your wisdom with us Leila: I love you bye [35:15] |
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