When it comes to Valentine’s Day, I suck as a husband. I rarely take my wife out on a date, and can’t think of the last time I bought her a gift.
It’s not that I’m not romantic, or that I don’t like spoiling my wife. In fact, the opposite is true. Each year on our anniversary, I put together a big trip for us, and planning it is one of my favorite parts of the year.
So as this Valentine’s Day approaches, I started to ask myself why, like most men, I hate this holiday so much. And I think I may have found the answer.
Men love to be the hero of the story.
We love to pursue, to protect, to provide for, to surprise, and to be unique for the woman in our life. We take great pride in fighting for her heart and getting to be her hero. This is most true when we are dating our future wife and trying to win her heart. We look like absolute idiots. I’ve seen my friends do the most ridiculous things when trying to impress their future bride. It’s in our nature.
I actually think that one of the greatest threats to our marriage is losing this passion to pursue our wife in that way. It tells a lie about the God we serve. We are meant to passionately and relentlessly pursue our wife because Jesus passionately and relentlessly continues to pursue us. (Relentlessly: Unceasing. Unyielding. Persistent.)
And this is why we hate Valentine’s Day. Every other guy is also a hero. There is nothing unique about it, and zero chance to surprise the woman we love.
So here is my advice to all men who stand with me in February:
The bottom line is this: Your wife desires to be pursued. And it’s good for her to desire to be pursued. It’s the way God designed marriage and it’s also your role as her husband. Your endless pursuit of her heart reminds her, your kids, and the world around you that we serve a God who endlessly pursues our hearts.
Do something special for her on Valentine’s Day. But go further. Plan something special for her every month, at the very least. One practical way to do this is to block out your anniversary day of each month and protect it for her. If your anniversary lands on the 22nd of June, then block out the 22nd of each month for a date. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive, but it does have to be intentional. Don’t just be her holiday hero; be her everyday hero.
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